Okay.

Apr. 7th, 2013 07:10 am
crows: (Default)
Getting up.

Boiling eggs
Doing dishes
Cleaning catboxes

Pick up clothes
Make coffee
Take out trash
Do laundry

Put all the laundry away

That's phase one for the day which I aim to have accomplished by the time Thief is up so that we can focus on the comic launch once they are.

Doin it :|

Day Four.

Mar. 28th, 2013 07:48 pm
crows: (red)
The downstairs neighbor (or rather, her belligerent douchebag boyfriend) was at it again last night, cranking the music up with as far as I can tell the specific intent of pissing her and the rest of the house off. They've gotten at least one disorderly house fine, several visits from the police on noise complaints, and a sternly worded letter from the landlady and on more than one occasion we've heard him turning the noise up and her turning it back down and them fighting about it. He knows he's getting her evicted.

Upshot being I didn't sleep much, not nearly enough to recover fully from yesterday and go in to work at 515. Work was... pretty god damn busy, and I've been feeling dimly nauseous and fairly foggy most of the day. So I came home and washed my tattoo and laid on the couch in my piejams and watched stupid television for the afternoon and now Delia is making supper.

My feet didn't hurt much at/after work. I've worked slightly fewer hours this week but not a lot, and have gone comparably pain free. This seems to be a marked improvement. And despite feeling sort of tired and crapped out physically in other ways (I think feeling a little bit drained after the ink experience is reasonable, especially given that I didn't have a good opportunity to sleep it off), my mood isn't suffering a lot. I mean, I didn't want to be at work, but I don't normally want to be at work at the end of the week when I've only slept a few hours. So all in all, not miserable, not dipping into too much anxiety (Kris the tattoo lady said she's been taking B vits as of recently as well and they're helping her anxiety a lot), and feeling like I'll be able to get things done and enjoy myself throughout my next couple of lighter days (and Sunday off - off of everything, even choir).

Also, I had violently apocalyptic dreams last night. Not nightmares... definitely frightening but fear wasn't the central part of the dream and I didn't wake up upset. Only had fragments when I came out, but committed what I could to memory. It was all very bright... very sunny (outside), very clay colored. Terra cotta and dust. People were dying of... something. I don't know if it was plague, or what, but they were rotting away, like some combination of sepsis and gangrene. Not in a zombie way, though... everyone was still aware. Spitting up green, blotched and soft, bloating like corpses. I was in a house full of survivors (some of us were survivors longer than others). Boarded up, chaos on the outside, don't really know what was going on. When I left... I was alone. But I don't think I was the last person alive in the house, maybe we just all split up at that point. I don't feel like I knew much about any of those people. Anyway, I found my way toward people who had lived through at least that wave of whatever was happening. There was some kind of semi-organized gathering place, a cafeteria or meeting hall or something, and I was befriended by two Indian people (a man and a woman; siblings or good friends). We decided to stick together... I have a dim sense of there being some kind of authority, sort of. A presence trying, if sternly, to keep us safe, and a threat from the outside but I don't know if it was the sickness or something more sentiently malicious or what. I kept trying to convince them to go back to my house so I could get some of my things (cell phones still seemed to be working, and I wanted mine, and my ipod, and a couple of other things). I'm unclear now whether my house was where I'd been with all the dying people or not. I also feel like I had some other reason for wanting to go back that I was hesitant to tell them, but I don't remember what it was.

Day Two.

Mar. 26th, 2013 09:54 pm
crows: (flying raven)
Good energy most of the day (afternoon was very long, quite busy, but once I was out of work I was okay). Didn't start the day in pain, didn't end the day in as much pain as I've sometimes been in after a 9.5hr shift. It's only Tuesday, but I'm optimistic. Ate supper at a reasonable hour. Not miserable tonight, despite the fact that TBND just started up. Good. God.

I realize that moving out west is probably just going to trade these for some other noisy fucking neighbors but this band is so bad, and I've been putting up with them for two fucking years I mean honestly.

Tattoo tomorrow (nervous). Taxes Thursday.
crows: (face)
The speculation for the fiction of my life is beginning to include the question,

what if I lived in the San Francisco area?
crows: (Default)
Hmm. The internet is making me pretty anxious. Well, no. Social networking is making me anxious; I think it comes down to being mainly here, but that probably has less to do with Dreamwidth and more to do with my not social networking very much outside of DW and Twitter and that's, well... Twitter. I have a handful of comments in my inbox waiting to be replied to and I'm sorry that I haven't gotten to them. I just...

That's all, really. Sometimes I hide. <3 My email is crows//halflit.net. Haunt me there, if you feel the need for haunting, and I'll be back later on. I'll miss you lovelies in the interim.
crows: (red)
I dislike this day of the week. I have for a lot of years. Anyway, that's not really the point of this post.

Today, I wrote a bunch then walked in the rain until my boots were heavy and it was starting to soak through my hoodie. I didn't really want to come in but my hip has been stiff the last couple of weeks and it would be nice to start my workweek tomorrow less locked up than I ended it on Friday. (Last week, while I haven't been having a lot of pain, Thu and Fri provided me with several strange, rotating pops of the joint that made it almost feel like it was going to give out. That's a new development. Thought about buying a chiro package off Groupon yesterday but even at an extreme discount I can't really afford it so... I'm not going to push my luck that way. Also, don't like breaking the ice with unknown medical professionals of any stripe, so... it's a really easy thing to excuse myself from. Whee!)

My head is still full of Dark Energy. I made some structural headway on it, some events fell into place that I'm hoping, as I follow them, will shed light on a major upset that's coming up in the early phase of the story which has baffled me for some time. I've been gnawing and gnawing on it, and while it hasn't coughed up its own secrets to me yet, it is at least yielding more of the surrounding circumstances.

I'm calling off sick from choir tonight, too. Which I really oughtn't do, but... I'm just not up for it right now, and I know the music, and... the drumming, well. Mostly that will be me working on my own anyway, so I just really have to do it. I'm hoping to get some more writing done tonight, and get a little of my French presentation out of the way, too. (One of these things is more likely to occur than the other). >.<

One more week of school, plus two days of finals the week after. I am honestly aching for summer, to buy myself a little more time and space for my brain. There is a lot of stuff I'd like to be doing, there are a lot of ways in which I feel a little creatively cramped right now, and I don't dig it very much.

Now that my stomach is settling, maybe I can actually finish this scene. That would be nice.
crows: (face)
Don't mind me, just sitting here WAY RATHER WRITE SHIT ABOUT SHIT in the forms of spirit and fictions and spirit-fictions than...

do this pile of French homework and turn up to my entire afternoon and evening of classes. I'd cut, today, if it weren't the second to last week of the semester.

And I hadn't cut quite so much early in the semester >.>...

This is going to be a day of sneaking away into the corners of my mind, where I will stay huddled in the sparkling dust, writing things down on my skin and hoping I can read it all when night falls.

There are some people in the world that I'm really, really in love with right now. Living or dead, it doesn't seem to matter at the moment, and my list of people I secretly wish were in love with me doesn't hurt to consider.

Or... maybe it does hurt. But I kinda like it.
crows: (Default)
Today is beautiful. This low, bright sky near rain.
crows: (face)
Oh. Is the world back? I don't want it. Tell it to go away.

It's the same old, same old, same old story. Terminally restless. Yearning for intangible things. Every never singing and thirsty. Soon I will be on my knees, begging the weather to break.

Like the old script above the humming timepiece, a place where happy home has no meaning. I'm not really looking for happy, but I think I'm still trying to nail down home. I'm better than I was, then, when all those words were written. But this is still no place of shelter.

Who are we kidding? Shelter. As if.
crows: (flying raven)
We've got a lady pilot, not afraid to die.

I am so god damn fatigued. I have so much fucking homework I'm behind on (mostly French... almost all of it French. And some reading). Despite having gotten a little more sleep last night than the night before, I can't think straight today. I'm dizzy and heavy and it's hard to focus in my eyes or my brain. And yes I've been filling my time, late at night, finding distractions, not wandering back home until too too late but... I wouldn't be sleeping anyway. I'm only allowed to have two or three hour intervals at the moment, anyway. Don't ask me why. The season is changing, maybe, or I am changing, or things are changing around me and the whole engine is spinning out of control while I wait for the new gears to mesh. I'm just... having a more difficult time than usual today steadying myself for a moment in the maelstrom. This isn't a bad thing by itself; I live in Chaos. Today, however, I feel out of breath.

I thought for a moment that I was ready to cry uncle this morning. Then I laughed.

And then.

Feb. 27th, 2012 08:27 pm
crows: (caw)
Today ended up being something of a mental health day. I worked, but I didn't go to class, and frankly didn't do much else that wasn't related to the kind of self-care that usually, to me, feels like trying to push all the sand of my consciousness back into a pile. I read a little tarot. I remembered how much better my life is when I'm keeping a god damn paper journal that nobody else is allowed to touch (oh, yeah! Number one tenant of life among the unseen! WRITE THAT SHIT DOWN YO!)

I'm stressing a little about Things that I should have used this time to do. And last night. And Saturday when I had a migraine. But really... I will be all right. I can fake through French tomorrow before class, and if I work on Nonfiction in my breaks between classes I'll be ready for Wednesday. For now, breathing, and words. Mostly I feel the way I do right at this moment because I haven't had enough sleep and a lot of things are terribly exciting right now.

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