Injury abounds!

My life is FRAUGHT WITH DISASTER. I'm sans two teeth, I just finished nursing a bad scrape on the one elbow back to health, I have an awful bruise on my thigh, another awful bruise on my arm from the IV (seriously, it's really gross!) AND tripping merrily up the back stairs of my apartment building (read: tripping) I managed to scrape the SHIT out of my OTHER elbow on the god damn stucco bullshit on the exterior wall. WTF!

And why don't the neato rocket-science bandaids that stay on forever come in any god damn bigger sizes god damnit?!!