Sunday.

I abolish this day. Sundays are bad... almost always. I don't know why. Today started out looking promising; I made myself breakfast to eat on the way to work and got out of the house nice and early, feeling awake. Before I'd even acquired my morning coffee, things had turned to total shit and left me sobbing in the back room of work. It's frustrating and embarrassing, bawling my eyes out in front of other people, even if it is only semi-public. Even if they do care about me; my co-workers are not my intimate friends and confidants (even if some of them are during the times when they're not my co-workers). I told myself I just had to hold on until Julie came in with the baby, and then I'd feel better. Which, to be fair, I did.

Ridiculous headache the day long though. Went to go see vayleen this evening, which is always uplifting, but nonetheless, the day has just felt... wrong. I haven't gotten enough done, I have a lot hanging over my head in the next several days. I'll be out of town to the midwest for more than a week starting bright and early Friday morning. I've been dreaming of plane crashes. I'm scared to spend time with my family... my grandparents are not well and the rest of my relations are somewhat dramatic and I don't have the emotional fortitude for it. Days like today, I feel like so much as a few hours in the thick of it might break me in half. I'm so god damn drained. And I still need to start making -concrete- plans for collecting my things in Los Angeles. I wanted this year - this whole year - to be my fresh start, and it feels disgustingly out of reach, still. It's mid-April. I'm not making progress.

Alright, back to real life. I need to tidy my borrowed place as there will be people in it tomorrow while I'm away, and wake up early enough in the morning to clean the kitchen before I leave.