authoring destruction

I seriously need to calm the fuck down.

Cabaret is tomorrow; Cabaret being my choir's spring fundraiser. A number of full-choir pieces, some ensemble stuff (including our 'official' small-group, which I am part of), and solos. The everybody and some-other-people stuff doesn't much bother me, even though there are only some eight of us in the Quiretet. They're people I feel confident on the stage with.

I am not people I feel confident on the stage with. Once again, schedules never meshed, and I won't be able to go through the song with the gentleman accompanying me until... tomorrow afternoon between setup and official call time. So I'm sitting here working myself quietly into a froth over practicing, and making myself so anxious I forget words I know or, at best, lose them every time something distracts me. The thought that other people in the building can totally hear me singing, for example. Or you know, people walking by on the street, because my window is open.

Oh god, anything but people hearing me sing.

...wait.

My voice teacher had a house warming party for her new apartment tonight. A wide variety of people were there, mostly related in one way or another to musical professions and, I suspect, Judaism (she's Jewish). It was lovely! A magnificent and colorful vegetarian potluck dinner was served by all, to which I brought two very successful (previously experimental) deserts (spicy applesauce bread with walnuts and cranberries, fresh pumpkin pie). Four of five or six members of the Afro-Cuban fusion band she's part of (Yeh Dede, you can look them up on MySpace) were present, and performed several songs while everyone else clapped, claved, tambourined, and shakered. Here were the recipes I cooked... I would encourage anyone who likes a little light baking to try them, they came together well!

* 1 medium sugar pumpkin (cook, de-skin, puree, use 2 cups)
* 1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch single crust pie (I used pre-made graham cracker crust)
* Ginger, Cinnamon, Clove, Nutmeg to taste (I might have also had allspice?)
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 4 eggs, lightly beaten
* 1 cup honey, warmed slightly (I used organic raw honey... so delicious!)
* 1/2 cup milk
* 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

(400, about an hour)

And the bread:

1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour (I used wheat! Yay wheat!)
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1/4 cup shortening
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
Above spices, to taste
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup toasted chopped walnuts
1/2 cup dried cranberries

(350, supposed to be a half hour but mine took longer)


PS: I've had Sonata Arctica's 'Caleb' stuck in my head all day.