Observations

[crows]

Eleven lines of poetry, and countless unreal hours, later, I return.

It was worst in the night. Not only was I lacking my usual means of heating the blankets up for me, but when I become stressed (in my body or my spirit) my blood temperature drops and there is ice all around me. I tossed and turned, discontent and worried out of my mind. If I so much as dozed off, I awoke not long later feeling worse than I already had.

I began to realize. Nothing this traumatic has happened to me for a long time, and maybe not ever. This has been an exceedingly different and difficult situation, from which I draw the following observations:

I spent most of last night exceedingly frightened, worried, and sad. This is to be expected when someone you love has been operated on for a serious medical issue, especially one with so unexpected an onset as this one. Usually, there are very salient physical sensations that go along with each of these emotions. I spent last night devoid of them utterly. All I had to try and hang onto was this deep emptiness in my chest, and a deep feeling of suffocation. I noticed that the most.

My tiger is being such a sport about the whole matter. I spent most of the day with him. We played games my mother sent him from the toystore, and colored geometric patterns in a coloring book, with colored pencils. I spent many hours perched at the opposite end of his bed, just talking. He’s back in his general good spirits, and there were moments where I almost forgot where we were sitting and why.

Comments

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i hope all goes well for your afflicted loved one