The Glassblower

[crows]

[Written originally in the Same_Oh! community. I'm very on-the-fence about the word 'until' in the third stanza. Keep it, ditch it? The line would otherwise stay the same.]

He lived next door to
Our apartment in the Projects.
His equipment was loud,
Studio of smoke and
Fire.

He caught dewdrops,
Shivering
In quiet midair. Every
One like a
Star.

Until we moved away,
Now the diamonds no
Longer sparkle, impressed
On empty
Space.

Forty-five now, among
My own children, magic
Still washes
My memory in the
Dark.

Comments

[helixnine.livejournal.com]

Personally? ditch it. Maybe replace it with "then"?
Until is too temporal for this piece. It doesn't fit. Probably for a ton of reasons I can't access right now.

[williamlee.livejournal.com]

Drop it with no replacement would be my choice. But, this is your poem not mine.

[incommune.livejournal.com]

Yes, but I wouldn't be posting it if I didn't want feedback /pinch cheeks <3<3