TercetTercet

[crows]

The weight of the glass in my hand.
The heat of the fire in my throat.
The ring in the sound of my voice.
The loose ground upon which we stand.
The hollow words of the old toast.
The feeling of losing a choice.

The hand that I grasp in the dark.
The desperate gasping for air.
The taste of the wine on your lips.
The searching in vain for a spark.
The lie that no one can compare.
The things I don't think I can fix.

The sad morning ache in my bones.
The dishes that wait in the sink.
The hesitant close of the day.
The message that you won't be home.
The wandering eye that I blink.
The telling myself you won't stray.

The more time we're spending apart.
The realizing that I can breathe.
The things that we once thought were true.
The still-dimming ache in my heart.
The old, broken things that I leave.
The things that remind me of you.

.

Comments

[louismaistros.livejournal.com]

I really like this. I think you can lose the last stanza, though. The last line of the third tells the story of the fourth subtly and effectively by itself. And it's a good way to close. Just a suggestion.

[incommune.livejournal.com]

Yea? I wasn't sure about ending it... I did almost every stanza after the first XD. I'll definitely consider it. Thanks :D!