Oh, right...

[crows]

I meant to give some kind of proper update. Why? I don't know. Few to none of you are particularly connected to what's going on with my offline life that it would make so much of an impact. However, I always have the best of intentions for these things. The memories, the record! Oh, how self-possessed we all are in this post-blogging world. Perhaps I'll just stick to cryptic Twitters.

A great many things are well with the world. Well, and as they should be, and as the people that are involved with them deserve them to be. As for my position as far as all of that is concerned? I remain slightly outside the lines. I like it well enough; it is not without it's drawbacks, but nothing substantial enough for me to try to climb back into the box. I toy with the idea of a more thorough sabbatical from present existence... really removing myself from it for a while. A substantial change of identity or perceived identity, along with all the things that come with that and are required to properly facilitate it. I daily count the chips from stack to stack, considering gains and losses. To live in a place where one is away from one's personal history, both externally and internally, opens a lot of doors. However, disappearing closes many, too. How could I excise myself from my own life without hurting the most essential people to it? Or, is letting go of those 'essential' people core to the process of disassociating oneself with one's past and the trajectory of the present? I could put myself on the other coast, know no one, bend my mind to some different fragment of my name (Gail, anyone?) and enjoy, for a while, the psychic anonymity of that. If nothing else, it would certainly cure me of any attempts to salvage the past. Of course, that is all dependent solely on whether or not I decide there's anything worth salvaging. There may be, in more than one avenue of recently derailed planning. There also may not. Perhaps I shouldn't yet be thinking this far ahead.

Comments

[jhonen-red.livejournal.com]

> To live in a place where one is away from one's personal history,
> both externally and internally, opens a lot of doors.

It does. It allows change largely unconstrained by prior pattern and expectation.

> Or, is letting go of those 'essential' people core to the process of
> disassociating oneself with one's past and the trajectory of the present?

It is. The people who know you best exert expectation upon you, whether they intend to or not, and you will reflexively remain the creature they expect, whether you intend to or not.

Which is not to say that change is impossible while on familiar ground, nor that you should vanish.

[incommune.livejournal.com]

It's not necessarily my family that I'm so concerned about. I've felt relatively free of the expectations of my blood relations since having left the state (it has never been the plan that I stay in Alaska beyond the new year regardless of what I decide to do). However, letting go of a variety of different relationships anchored in the past... that's another story. And when I say letting go, I mean letting go. Of everything. Rather than just letting go of a former 'nature' of the relationship (it's more than just -that- one ;) ). The next few months will be telling!

Good luck to you.