Makes me feel alive.

[crows]

So, all of today has been one twining rope of unbelievable pain toward the back of my mouth (right side, dread complications of a wisdom tooth I probably need out (immediately), says my shabby self-diagnosis). Well, it wasn't unbelievable when it started... and it doesn't really feel like teeth. It's all in the tissue back there... some kind of infection? Is this going to poison me over night before I can call the dentist I've never met in the morning? Though the occasions where I have to see this in myself are rare (it's all part of the story, see), I am once again reduced to petulance and near-tears... yea, it hurts really bad, but I think it's mostly about the promise of having to go to a doctor. What's more, I know it's not a simple course of antibiotics on the horizon that I will probably only take half of. They're going to want to put me under anesthesia and dump drugs on me after. I know, I know, I have the option to undergo whatever procedure without but frankly that sounds even worse. I may be terrified of 'going under', (mortally so!) but I'd much rather NOT have to experience whatever it is they're going to have to do to me. I think that's my base fear of the anesthesia: that it will fail.

And I'm going to miss a significant fucking sales weekend because of it. They'd better take my god damn insurance.

Comments

[joeyclaren.livejournal.com]

*crosses fingers*

Why are you so afraid of going under? I am a curious monkey.

My excuse was always that I prefer to be in control of my own senses, but I have since found that being in truly extreme pain is as debilitating as being drugged (if not more so) and that, given those as exclusive options, I would much prefer the latter.

[incommune.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure really. Lack of anything remotely like the experience? I've never done any 'recreational' drugs, been intoxicated, or even hallucinatory sick since I was extremely young. Perhaps it's that I've had some bad other types of experiences that have made me value my deathgrip on reality enough that, I feel threatened by the psychic vulnerability?