(no subject)

[crows]

Everything on craigslist looks like a scam. Everything on monster or careerbuilder is either for very skilled labor (no, I don't know how to repair specific, or any, medical equipment, nor do I have a CDL), part time and/or temporary, or KMart and Target.

I'm never going to get out. I made the mistake of thinking there actually was a door open to me when in fact I had missed that opportunity months ago because of trying to do the right thing by someone who probably at the end of the day didn't notice and didn't give a shit and likely has a bad opinion of me now either way. Because I don't have anything of value to offer anyone, and the things I can give aren't the things that people want me around for. Everything else is out of order and I don't know how to fix it. People still think I'm early twenties because it's so obvious I'm completely floundering and the idea that I might actually be an adult age is laughable.

There is nothing I am doing right now that doesn't come down to inertia and numb muscle memory. So fucking pointless.

Comments

[magistrate]

+1, what Squeem said, etc.

The entire notion of what it means to be an adult has to be interrogated these days, because so many of the structures that supported cultural adulthood for previous generations are broken.

I eventually decided -- though I'm still working on actually internalizing this in a way that can actually support me emotionally -- that the traditional trappings of success are kinda pointless to set my course or self-worth by. Worth pursuing for other reasons, maybe, but what I can try to control is being a worthwhile person, and everything else is just down to me getting in a fistfight with aspects of the world that don't give a damn about me.

And, I dunno, the last time I interacted with you, you seemed like a worthwhile person. I'm sorry the infrastructure of the world sucks.